Always looking for an opportunity I have seized the opportunity to create the Kentucky American Air Company. Noticing the apparent need to create private companies to package and sell the vital life giving necessities of life for profit, and the willingness of the PSCSC's (Public So-Called Service Commission) to allow these generous companies the right to make a substaitial profit to provide these vital services. When interview the PSCSC's chairman, Adolf Richard Head, said "You know these vital companies provide a life sustaining and necessary product, that while available to everyone already they make it easy to get, and clean enough that you only have to filter it or buy it bottled if you pan to ingest it, and we need to make sure that these German....er...uh...great companies are allowed to make a substaitial profit on that service. Afterall air isn't free, really you know." Mr. Head then mumbled almost inaudibly as he sped away in his AMC Mercedes "If they don't like it then they can get their air somewhere else, or well die."
So as you can see there is a great opportunity here, hell its practically a monopoly. So with that being said for this great service we are going to only charge a reasonable fee of $.01 per cubic foot of air, which we calculate as the average capacity of the adult lung per breath and makes sense to us as a measurable unit. Pleas note we have already announced plans to ask for small increases over the next couple years and we provide more air just in case we need it in the future, but no more than 60%, but this year it will only be 37%, which we feel is reasonable considering the cost we have to take on to provide this service and the effect it may have on our share holders with out the raise. Yes these services were subsidized and partially provided by government and developers, and yes they pay for most of that, but we have to be able to pay all of our employees to monitor the increased future usage and quality of our product. Also storage of this new air will be difficult as nature you know is a very inefficient care taker of such resources, the facilities are simply not there for such capabilities. That being said our collection department will be very reasonable and we commit to only use as our last resort, the plactic bag over the head cutoff method for chronic non payers, after all they shouldn't be able to use the product we all need to live for free. And use that only as long as it takes them to find an alternative supplier of air in their neighborhood. Because after all we are a private enterprise, the market is unpredictable out there these days with opportunistic governments and eager beavers everywhere, anyone can come along tomorrow and beat us out of the market with another air company you know.
So I am pleased to announce that effective immediately we are in operation, and legal owner of all the air around you. You will see your first bill soon. Please note we reserve the right to increase our rates at any time to ensure a substantial, but fair, profit for our share holders, and remeber they are air breathers too, so are we, so we are really all in this together.
We are concerned that this rate increase may be a stretch for some and we understand this, but if you would like to come by our office we have a pamphlet we have designed, at our own cost, to educate you as to how to conserve air, and lower your new higher bill each month. Common sense ideas such as rebreathing methods, and not over exerting yourself which uses more air, and always remember to use air wisely after all we all need it.
Thank You
Me, Owner and Air Czar KAAC
